Alysa's Awesome Antics

I need to get this out.
I feel as if I'm floundering a bit this Christmas season.
I may or may not have mentioned it but when my parents left on their mission, I didn't "have time"
to be sad about it. Nope.  For weeks I waited to really feel the void that their leaving left in my life. But generally life was so busy there wasn't an opportunity for me to sit down and really think it out and start to "feel" myself missing them. Maybe I'm odd in that way but I guess I've learned to push aside some of those harder to deal with feelings.

No more trips to grandma's house whenever I needed a break and someone to care. No more borrowing things quickly or having my mom drop them off for me.  No more little drop ins by my mom and dad at our house when I hadn't been over to see my mom in a week or so.  I loved the instant lift that just seeing my mom and knowing she cared brought. I loved seeing the joy on her face as she spent time with my kids. I miss that.  Somehow seeing how much she loved them helped me to see my kids in a different more patient light. 

Well, obviously, it's hit me.  Actually it hit me last week at the oddest of times and I've been in a bit of a funk ever since.  Probably because it's Christmas and for me that means family.  Not that I'm not seeing family but I'm missing what feels like a vital part.  And I guess I'm just feeling sad about the whole thing.  Hopefully I will get over this really sad feeling and move on and find different ways to enrich my life, but in the meantime just know if I seem unlike myself or not blogging as much as usual, it's because I'm dealing.