Wanted:

A person capable of creating a child within their own body, while at the same time managing to keep a 2 and 4 year old alive and not fighting, box up and prepare to move a family of 4, and various other tasks such as selling and fixing items to sell on craigslist.

Organizational skills a plus. Patience not necessary but certainly nice. Pay minimal. Would you accept homemade chocolate chip cookies as payment instead of money? The cookies  may have a bite or two missing since my 2 year old took it upon herself to taste test them for you.

Another skill needed is optimism for the man in the home who is applying for jobs like mad. Must cheer him on and cheer him up and have dinner ready when he gets home. Sandwiches are totally acceptable. As is cereal.

Also, beware the 2 year old and markers. There seems to be a magnetic draw between the two, as the sheet on my bed can now attest as I took 2 minutes to put tights on the 4 year old today.
Also, the 2 year old is showing tendencies towards neatness attributes.After sitting down for a meal or any sort, she quickly loses her shirt if she deems the meal too messy and tries to keep her clothing clean. How thoughtful and helpful!  Please encourage her when she tries to sweep the floor and makes a bigger mess. She holds and dumps the dust pan like a pro! She must have picked up that skill from her 4 year old sister who is also a great dust dumper.  Beware the 2 year old's too long visits to the bathroom to go potty. We have deducted after doing her business she likes to put on makeup, spread soap, unroll toilet paper and any other "fun" task that catches her eye. Including but not limited to dunking toothbrushes, toilet paper, hands and anything else "fun" into the toilet water.

The 4 year old currently has an affinity for bed jumping. But she can make her bed like a pro.
And is learning all kinds of other useful skills like using scissors on her own gogurts, drawing stick figures, folding towels and spelling her name out loud. She's a great assistant in helping the 2 year old into clothes, going potty and most other things. The 2 year old doesn't always think she's such a great help though.

If you think you could fill this position successfully: Congratulations!! You too must be amazing!