You know, sometimes life has yucky things happening in it that we don't want to talk about.
Such was the case with my last post and I apologize for the vagueness, but I wanted to remember
how awesome the regional conference was and how I was profoundly affected by the messages
shared in it.
Also, sometimes it's good to remember the vague yucky times so in the future when
things work themselves out, because they always do, you can look back and feel blessed at where
you are now.
Loving our ever changing, crazy, fantastic life
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Sunday, March 1, 2015
Keeping it Positive
Today in our regional conference at church, there were some amazing talks.
It felt like each one had a message for me specifically, and I needed to hear each one of them.
I walked out of the meeting with renewed hope for myself, with vigor and energy to change.
I had a great day! We even had my niece and her husband for dinner and dessert, followed
by a fun game of Rummikub. Who remembered that game was so fun?!?
And then this evening, even though I felt an uncertainty in my heart, I followed through on
something I've been meaning to do for a long time.
What might/may have been a blessing may also have been a tool of Satan's to bring me low,
to cause horrible heartbreak and a sense of discouragement and bleakness to my point of view.
I still remember the lessons I've been taught today, and I'm trying to bring my chin up and keep
my eternal perspective but I must admit that sometimes life can be just too hard to face.
And some hurts cannot be erased without the healing power of Christ's atonement.
Knowing that He has felt this hurt, that He can hold my hand and lead me out of it brings
comfort to my soul even as I am awash with grief and pain.
It felt like each one had a message for me specifically, and I needed to hear each one of them.
I walked out of the meeting with renewed hope for myself, with vigor and energy to change.
I had a great day! We even had my niece and her husband for dinner and dessert, followed
by a fun game of Rummikub. Who remembered that game was so fun?!?
And then this evening, even though I felt an uncertainty in my heart, I followed through on
something I've been meaning to do for a long time.
What might/may have been a blessing may also have been a tool of Satan's to bring me low,
to cause horrible heartbreak and a sense of discouragement and bleakness to my point of view.
I still remember the lessons I've been taught today, and I'm trying to bring my chin up and keep
my eternal perspective but I must admit that sometimes life can be just too hard to face.
And some hurts cannot be erased without the healing power of Christ's atonement.
Knowing that He has felt this hurt, that He can hold my hand and lead me out of it brings
comfort to my soul even as I am awash with grief and pain.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
We Must Have Some Gypsy Blood in Us
At the beginning of the year, like most people do, Reed and I made some goals. Here is a rough list of our goals:
1. Have a baby
2. Move into a home.
3. Get a new to us car.
4. Get ourselves out of debt.
5. Work together at all of these things. :)
Luckily #1 kinda just happened and everything stayed okay with it (so far so good!) so that was checked off our list.
#2 was where we just weren't sure what to do. We have a home in Nampa that we have been renting for 3 years to the same family. That home is no bigger than our current space, and if we had our druthers we'd like to sell it and buy something bigger. Sadly, the more we looked at the housing market and the work it would likely take to get our home ready to sell, we knew it wouldn't be helping us with our #4 goal of getting out of debt. In fact, we would likely be going into MORE debt. We talked our way around and over and under this problem until one day, like lightning, after attesting that I would NOT be moving our family again anywhere, that is exactly what we are doing and exactly what feels right. We are moving back to our home in Nampa. And at least we'll have a lovely fenced in backyard and a garage to add a little to our space. So that's #2 marked off of our list.
Still going to be working on #3 probably when we move to Nampa, and with all the moving and having babies, buying a van and fixing up our house so we can hopefully sell it sometime in the future, well, we're just going to keep on working on #4. Little by little. We'll get there.
So here's our announcement! We are officially moving back to Nampa, Idaho as of May of this year. Go us!
1. Have a baby
2. Move into a home.
3. Get a new to us car.
4. Get ourselves out of debt.
5. Work together at all of these things. :)
Luckily #1 kinda just happened and everything stayed okay with it (so far so good!) so that was checked off our list.
#2 was where we just weren't sure what to do. We have a home in Nampa that we have been renting for 3 years to the same family. That home is no bigger than our current space, and if we had our druthers we'd like to sell it and buy something bigger. Sadly, the more we looked at the housing market and the work it would likely take to get our home ready to sell, we knew it wouldn't be helping us with our #4 goal of getting out of debt. In fact, we would likely be going into MORE debt. We talked our way around and over and under this problem until one day, like lightning, after attesting that I would NOT be moving our family again anywhere, that is exactly what we are doing and exactly what feels right. We are moving back to our home in Nampa. And at least we'll have a lovely fenced in backyard and a garage to add a little to our space. So that's #2 marked off of our list.
Still going to be working on #3 probably when we move to Nampa, and with all the moving and having babies, buying a van and fixing up our house so we can hopefully sell it sometime in the future, well, we're just going to keep on working on #4. Little by little. We'll get there.
So here's our announcement! We are officially moving back to Nampa, Idaho as of May of this year. Go us!
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Little Steps
This past Friday night, I had the biggest surprise of my life. I began playing with an overly tired Mirren, working with her to start walking.
I was willing to take anything she would offer me! She completely surprised me by being willing to take 1 little step to and from a table or to and from me. In the middle of it all, she just began giggling. It was so so cute and so endearing. After finally getting her to take 2 little steps, I figured I better rush her off to bed before she got too overly tired. I think she still will take this new skill pretty slowly as long as I continue to push her and make her keep trying to take steps. She is a fun girl.
Bronwyn has a yucky cough. Seems like ever since she got bronchitis last winter, a lot of her colds go straight to her lungs. Poor kid. No church for her today.
Aftyn finally successfully rode our balance bike this week! She was really excited about it and it shows me that she's probably ready to try riding a regular 2 wheeled bike. She was very proud of herself. She just needs more room to ride a bike around, not just our tiny little patio out back. Hopefully soon we can fix that problem.
I was willing to take anything she would offer me! She completely surprised me by being willing to take 1 little step to and from a table or to and from me. In the middle of it all, she just began giggling. It was so so cute and so endearing. After finally getting her to take 2 little steps, I figured I better rush her off to bed before she got too overly tired. I think she still will take this new skill pretty slowly as long as I continue to push her and make her keep trying to take steps. She is a fun girl.
Bronwyn has a yucky cough. Seems like ever since she got bronchitis last winter, a lot of her colds go straight to her lungs. Poor kid. No church for her today.
Aftyn finally successfully rode our balance bike this week! She was really excited about it and it shows me that she's probably ready to try riding a regular 2 wheeled bike. She was very proud of herself. She just needs more room to ride a bike around, not just our tiny little patio out back. Hopefully soon we can fix that problem.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Real
Many years ago, before Aftyn was born, Reed and I had planned and planned when we would finally get to try having a baby. That first month passed and I was bummed.
The second month came and lo and behold I was pregnant! I was visiting my sister who had just given birth to her second child and I was beyond excited. I shared the news with Reed over the phone and he was so pleased.
After a few more days of being at my sisters, I began to see signs that maybe everything with the pregnancy wasn't okay. I was spotting. By the time I got home from seeing my sister, the spotting was a lot more consistent, but I still had hope. I believed if I just had enough hope and faith that everything would be okay. I tried to take every precaution I could to ensure the safety of that pregnancy. I tried to stay off my feet whenever possible, even riding the electric wheelchair at the grocery store. But alas at 6.5 weeks I suffered a miscarriage. Which was excruciatingly painful physically and emotionally.
I was so brokenhearted. I felt so discouraged. After all the waiting and planning, what if there was something wrong and we wouldn't be able to have children? I had friends all around announcing their pregnancies and having their babies and I felt so left out. My heart mourned and pained for the pregnancy I lost and wanted back.
5 months later I found myself pregnant again. So scared and so worried about each little twinge, every pound lost while I went through morning sickness. I had 2 extra ultrasounds in the beginning just so I could see my baby was okay. I'm sure the ultrasound tech and my doctor thought I was a bit over the top but I needed and wanted proof that everything was okay.
Happily Aftyn was born healthy and strong. My body wasn't broken!
A good number of months later, time for trying was again at hand. About month 2 or 3, I was feeling weird so I took a pregnancy test early. A faint positive line! I planned the cutest surprise for Reed, with Aftyn wearing a big sister sign on the back of her shirt. Reed was totally taken by surprise! Sadly, that awesome surprise lasted only 2 days when my period came just like clockwork. Google said it was a chemical pregnancy. My midwife thought it was a bunch of hooey. Either way, about 4 months later, another successful pregnancy came along and Bronwyn was born 9 months later.
These 2 experiences have tainted the immense joy I might feel with each successive pregnancy because of the excessive worry I have. What if I continue to follow the pattern of failed pregnancy, successful pregnancy? Those failures sure make it hard to want to try again, even if the next pregnancy might be a successful one.
I am writing this post today because I want my friends and family who may be struggling with infertility, who might be waiting for that positive sign on a pregnancy test to know that their pain is not alone. I know the pain that is felt when those around you joyfully announce their pregnancies. Please know that others babies do not take away from your babies. Heavenly Father has a plan for you and if your plan includes babies, those babies are still waiting for you, waiting for the fulfillment of Heavenly Fathers plan for them and you. Do not lose hope.
I will always remember one night while pregnant with my son who I placed for adoption. My heart was broken because I had always wanted to be a mother and here I was being given the opportunity only to hand it over to another mother. While pouring my heart out in prayer and sobbing the whole way through it, I had a picture pop into my mind. It was my children. They stood in a group and as a whole, I heard them say to me not to lose hope and not to be broken hearted. They were waiting for me.
They are my reason for continuing to try, for persevering in spite of the heartache and pain of my losses. I have a real knowledge that if you feel a call to motherhood, there are routes open to you to be a mother. And if you don't know what route is right for you, pray. Heavenly Father always knows. And in His time he will reveal His plan to you.
And now, if you made it through all of that, I have an announcement. We're expecting our number 4 and we're so excited and grateful that everything, in spite of my being completely sure we were having a miscarriage, has worked out and I am 3 months pregnant today. We look forward to the blessings this little person will bring to our family because we feel strongly that he/she is supposed to come at this time. Hopefully they will join our family on or before September 4th!
The second month came and lo and behold I was pregnant! I was visiting my sister who had just given birth to her second child and I was beyond excited. I shared the news with Reed over the phone and he was so pleased.
After a few more days of being at my sisters, I began to see signs that maybe everything with the pregnancy wasn't okay. I was spotting. By the time I got home from seeing my sister, the spotting was a lot more consistent, but I still had hope. I believed if I just had enough hope and faith that everything would be okay. I tried to take every precaution I could to ensure the safety of that pregnancy. I tried to stay off my feet whenever possible, even riding the electric wheelchair at the grocery store. But alas at 6.5 weeks I suffered a miscarriage. Which was excruciatingly painful physically and emotionally.
I was so brokenhearted. I felt so discouraged. After all the waiting and planning, what if there was something wrong and we wouldn't be able to have children? I had friends all around announcing their pregnancies and having their babies and I felt so left out. My heart mourned and pained for the pregnancy I lost and wanted back.
5 months later I found myself pregnant again. So scared and so worried about each little twinge, every pound lost while I went through morning sickness. I had 2 extra ultrasounds in the beginning just so I could see my baby was okay. I'm sure the ultrasound tech and my doctor thought I was a bit over the top but I needed and wanted proof that everything was okay.
Happily Aftyn was born healthy and strong. My body wasn't broken!
A good number of months later, time for trying was again at hand. About month 2 or 3, I was feeling weird so I took a pregnancy test early. A faint positive line! I planned the cutest surprise for Reed, with Aftyn wearing a big sister sign on the back of her shirt. Reed was totally taken by surprise! Sadly, that awesome surprise lasted only 2 days when my period came just like clockwork. Google said it was a chemical pregnancy. My midwife thought it was a bunch of hooey. Either way, about 4 months later, another successful pregnancy came along and Bronwyn was born 9 months later.
These 2 experiences have tainted the immense joy I might feel with each successive pregnancy because of the excessive worry I have. What if I continue to follow the pattern of failed pregnancy, successful pregnancy? Those failures sure make it hard to want to try again, even if the next pregnancy might be a successful one.
I am writing this post today because I want my friends and family who may be struggling with infertility, who might be waiting for that positive sign on a pregnancy test to know that their pain is not alone. I know the pain that is felt when those around you joyfully announce their pregnancies. Please know that others babies do not take away from your babies. Heavenly Father has a plan for you and if your plan includes babies, those babies are still waiting for you, waiting for the fulfillment of Heavenly Fathers plan for them and you. Do not lose hope.
I will always remember one night while pregnant with my son who I placed for adoption. My heart was broken because I had always wanted to be a mother and here I was being given the opportunity only to hand it over to another mother. While pouring my heart out in prayer and sobbing the whole way through it, I had a picture pop into my mind. It was my children. They stood in a group and as a whole, I heard them say to me not to lose hope and not to be broken hearted. They were waiting for me.
They are my reason for continuing to try, for persevering in spite of the heartache and pain of my losses. I have a real knowledge that if you feel a call to motherhood, there are routes open to you to be a mother. And if you don't know what route is right for you, pray. Heavenly Father always knows. And in His time he will reveal His plan to you.
And now, if you made it through all of that, I have an announcement. We're expecting our number 4 and we're so excited and grateful that everything, in spite of my being completely sure we were having a miscarriage, has worked out and I am 3 months pregnant today. We look forward to the blessings this little person will bring to our family because we feel strongly that he/she is supposed to come at this time. Hopefully they will join our family on or before September 4th!
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Don't Judge Me Too Harshly ...
Have I mentioned I'm the team teacher for the Sunbeam class? A class with 15 kids on the roll and between 6-10 that show up regularly. They are a haven of pent up energy, avid curiosity and lots and lots of needs. LOL
Somehow today we lost a kid. From the primary room to our class room, one of them slipped off and followed another class. She didn't notice the different teachers, the change of kids in the class, not even the different class room!
I mentioned to the other teacher as we made our way to our class that it seemed like we were missing a kid. I thought I had counted 7, but somehow we went down to 6. We were both pondering on who was missing but kind of just dismissed it, when we both saw a teacher walking down the hall hand in hand with our missing little tot.
What could we do but start laughing?? I ask you?!? Afterwards, we both mentioned how calm it had seemed without this certain bundle of energy who calls herself a Sunbeam. Ha ha!! At least it all got worked out. Seriously, I am going to make Kate Gosselin's kid rope idea so we don't have to worry anymore about losing kids. . . . . . .
Somehow today we lost a kid. From the primary room to our class room, one of them slipped off and followed another class. She didn't notice the different teachers, the change of kids in the class, not even the different class room!
I mentioned to the other teacher as we made our way to our class that it seemed like we were missing a kid. I thought I had counted 7, but somehow we went down to 6. We were both pondering on who was missing but kind of just dismissed it, when we both saw a teacher walking down the hall hand in hand with our missing little tot.
What could we do but start laughing?? I ask you?!? Afterwards, we both mentioned how calm it had seemed without this certain bundle of energy who calls herself a Sunbeam. Ha ha!! At least it all got worked out. Seriously, I am going to make Kate Gosselin's kid rope idea so we don't have to worry anymore about losing kids. . . . . . .
Friday, February 13, 2015
Things I Love: Valentines Day Edition
Jamberry Nails:
These things are amazing. They're fun. They make me feel cute and put together and feminine.
My girls love them. They leave them on. We can wear them for 2 weeks and they look awesome.
Love.
Pickles:
I love them. Bronwyn loves them. Mirren loves them. Reed likes them. Aftyn doesn't like them.
My Family:
Thrift Store Shopping:
My happy place! And usually for under $20!!
Worcester 2nd Ward: A place where Heavenly Father helped us to grow and change in ways
we otherwise might not have. Hence the love we have for the people who helped us through all that growth. And the places we enjoyed along the way.
Melty Ice Cream:
Hard ice cream is fine, semi-soft ice cream is better, but melty ice cream that is almost like milk but more like a shake is DELICIOUS! I cannot resist it! Which is why we just don't buy ice cream that often because I have no resistance. ;)
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints :
I am grateful for the testimony I have of its truthfulness, of the guidance and purpose I find in its teachings. Of the eternal principles I have confirmed in my heart as I teach my girls its truths and teachings. I'm so grateful for our nightly scripture reading! My testimony resounds in my chest and grows with each chapter we read. I watch my girls ask questions and gain confidence in the things they learn in those books. Amazing.
Good Friends/Family: They support me, they love me, they help me limp along sometimes. I'm grateful for even the smallest gesture because it can mean a lot more than someone might think. I hope I am the same kind of friend to those around me, and if I'm not, I hope I can continue working to that end.
Love:
'Nuff said.
These things are amazing. They're fun. They make me feel cute and put together and feminine.
My girls love them. They leave them on. We can wear them for 2 weeks and they look awesome.
Love.
Pickles:
I love them. Bronwyn loves them. Mirren loves them. Reed likes them. Aftyn doesn't like them.
My Family:
 | |
| Bad picture of me, cute picture of my son on his baptism day |
My happy place! And usually for under $20!!
Worcester 2nd Ward: A place where Heavenly Father helped us to grow and change in ways
we otherwise might not have. Hence the love we have for the people who helped us through all that growth. And the places we enjoyed along the way.
Melty Ice Cream:
Hard ice cream is fine, semi-soft ice cream is better, but melty ice cream that is almost like milk but more like a shake is DELICIOUS! I cannot resist it! Which is why we just don't buy ice cream that often because I have no resistance. ;)
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints :
I am grateful for the testimony I have of its truthfulness, of the guidance and purpose I find in its teachings. Of the eternal principles I have confirmed in my heart as I teach my girls its truths and teachings. I'm so grateful for our nightly scripture reading! My testimony resounds in my chest and grows with each chapter we read. I watch my girls ask questions and gain confidence in the things they learn in those books. Amazing.
Good Friends/Family: They support me, they love me, they help me limp along sometimes. I'm grateful for even the smallest gesture because it can mean a lot more than someone might think. I hope I am the same kind of friend to those around me, and if I'm not, I hope I can continue working to that end.
Love:
'Nuff said.
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