Text Messages to Reed I Don't Want to Forget But Have to Erase

Mar 9th 2016: Your son is crawling backward. A ton.

March 12 2016: My mom is going to the ER. (She had pneumonia. It was scary.)

May 12, 2016: The dentist referred me straight to the oral surgeon. I've got an appointment for
                        next Tuesday afternoon. (Got my last wisdom tooth removed. It was AWFUL!)

 LATER THAT DAY:  Fence has been stained! Go me! It looks awesome!! I used the spray gun
                                    and it was so dang easy! :)

 June 23, 2016: Reed, call me when you can. I have to talk to you about swimming lessons today.
                         They were horrible. (Bronwyn FREAKED out and was calling out to me
                         from the pool "I want my mommy! Momma!!". Talk about not knowing
                          how to handle the problem or even being faced with it before. This was when
                          I realized how effective very long stays with your nose in the corner seemed
                          very beneficial for Bronwyn.)

 July 22, 2016: Good morning Reed. Mirren is saying "lalleee-ee hooo", Lochlan is doing a mix
                        of cry whining from his bed and I'm laying here with one eye open listening to it all.
                       The kitten was trying to force her way into our bedroom last night because
                        she wanted to sleep/play with me. Oh happy Friday. Said rather apathetically.
                        My phone doesn't carry that word so I think I just taught it a new word.
                        (Clearly Reed was out of town and needed to know the realities of my life that day.)

        LATER THAT DAY:  Is this thing on? (Clearly he hadn't responded yet. I was needing some
                                            acknowledgement.)

   December 17, 2016: Tilly is gone. I'm crying. (We found a new family for our kitten. They had
                          just come and picked her up. It was so sad.)

   January 4, 2017: Guess what! I was just feeling the baby move! Crazy huh? (I was about 10 weeks
                         along and call me crazy, but the kid was doing what felt like flips in my stomach.
                          It was the one and only time I really felt him move. It was a blessing for me and Reed.)

 February 17, 2017: Mirren knows just what I need. 4 forehead smoochies and a pat, followed
                         by "you'll be okay mom, you'll be okay." Now that's love. ;) 
                           HIS RESPONSE: That is really sweet. She has a very tender heart.
                             Me: She is a natural caretaker.

 February 4, 2017: I'm brilliant. I fixed the disposal! :) 

Lochlan Almost Ruined My SD Card and Other Truths

It's dangerous to do things, normal everyday tasks, in front of Lochlan.
Because he thinks he's a big kid and that he can do them too.
That kid is going to be the death of me!
I don't joke when I say it is my job 24/7 to watch him like a hawk!!
Because when I turn my back to wash dishes, help another kid with their problem,
or any other task that a normal person does in a normal day,
he is off putting dvd cases into my vcr or putting my camera's sd card into the wrong slot
on my computer or putting things in the kitty's water bowl.
And yes, he does have consequences but he is just relentless. And busy!
Oy.

Bronwyn lost her first tooth today and while we were still working on getting it all the way out,
she ate a pretzel stick and got the tooth next to it really wiggly too. She and I have been working our tushies off to help her start reading/learning sight words. She hugs me and thanks me every day when we learn a new word. I love it! I also get terribly nervous as we read our way through the book that contains all the sight words because she is notorious, and so am I, of giving up when she starts to feel confused. But each time instead of pushing her and instead of her just giving up, she thinks about it and sounds it out and comes out with the right word in the end! I am really and truly so proud of her for wanting to do this even though I know it's a challenge for her. I'm proud of me too because despite feeling like she's going to give up or I'm just not feeling it, I do it because I love her and I know this is something she needs my help learning right now.  I gave her a haircut last week, and she wanted bangs. Thus, we had to take a picture, below. :) She still thinks the bangs are too long but I've been too lazy to trim them and she just kind of sweeps them to the side anyway.

Mirren finally got her sought after prize of getting to do something in Primary today. She go to do the article of faith! I practiced with her loads of times the first article of faith, and she knew it pretty well! I don't think the experience was everything she thought it would be but at least she finally got to have it. She and Bronwyn are best friends lately and I love it! Just this past week as I was turning on a movie for them, I turned around to the two of them sitting on the couch next to each other with their arms around each others shoulders and big happy grins on their faces. My heart just melted! We also have plenty of moments where they need to play separately because they can't get along but those moments are getting so much less and I'm really grateful for that. Mirren also really loves Lochlan lately too. She has been telling me recently that he's her brother and she loves him. I plunked him in bed with Mirren this morning and she put her arm gently around his shoulder and just gave him a big ol' grin and he just grinned right back at her. They sat there grinning for a good minute. It was so sweet. And then we got up for breakfast and life resumed its normal pace. Ha ha!! She fell asleep sitting all propped up on this pillow. I can't get away from her needing a nap at least 2-3 times a week and if I can convince her to take them its heaven. Otherwise, I opt for early bedtimes.

Aftyn is Aftyn. She is a great big sister, she loves school. She has a reading challenge from her school that she's trying to accomplish, so she has been reading like a mad man every day this week. I had to break out the books I'd been saving for her birthday so she would have some new and interesting books to read. She is reading a whole book a day! She's wiping out my supply!! She's been asking for a haircut for about a month and I finally managed to work it into my schedule. Except I didn't take a picture yet. But it's just a bit longer than chin length with some long cheekbone length layers in the front. Every day when she gets home from school is one of the best parts of the day. Everyone is happy when Aftyn gets home. Her class is working on making leprechaun traps and she asked me if leprechauns were real. In THE most serious tone. It was so funny! I love that she felt that she would get an honest answer from me. I told her that they weren't, that just like Santa Claus, it was just something fun to pretend. She seemed a little conflicted with my answer. Ha ha ha!!  This is Aftyn and her "crazy" hat for hat day at school. She loved this hat that I whipped up with some tape, ribbon, elastic and poster board. Doggone lucky I had all that on hand!

Highlights

Bronwyn's first adult tooth showed up

behind a bottom baby tooth this week.

She's been wiggling it from sun up to sun down

and is SO IMPATIENT to lose that darn tooth!

Lochlan blew kisses for the first time ever.

3 times.

TO MY MOM!

I'm insulted. LOL

Of course, my pride felt a little better

when he planted a real kiss on my cheek earlier today.

And then did it once more just for fun.

Puckered up lips and everything.

That boy just knows how to win the girls over.

Also, today was Lochlan's first day in nursery.

He didn't cry when I left him.

He just seemed so surprised to find a room

full of toys at church that he'd

never known about before. Ha ha ha!!!

When I went to go and check on him after an hour,

he was laying face down on the carpet,

with his knees tucked under him,

just sucking on his binky and observing everyone around him.

I couldn't help but laugh! One of the nursery workers came out

and asked me if it was his nap time.

I laughed and said I guess so.

When I picked him up, he was happily playing

with a walking ball popper toy

that he let me put away when I told him it was time to "go go go!".

Poor Aftyn has the flu.

She came home after school on Friday and had a fever.

And she's been having a horrid time of it since.

No school tomorrow for her!

I subbed as the primary chorister today.

I spent at least 5 minutes giggling

at Mirren who kept raising her hand and saying

"Me!" whenever she felt

there might be an opportunity for her

to get to do something important.

She said her very own prayer tonight over her food.

Even though the prayer had already been said.

She wanted to say her own, without help.

 Except I got to prompt her how to end.

It was very sweet.

She is so earnest and sincere and independent.

 I love that little girl.

I love my kids.

They equally drive me crazy.

Buoyed Up

I think I need to put some words to paper, or whatever, and get this said.

The past 3.5 weeks have been sad, confusing, 

happy, comforting and lots of other things.

I've learned things, eternal things, that I know 

I was meant to learn through this experience.

I know there are many more for me to learn.

But I need to express my gratitude for the love and support I have received.

I look back on the past weeks and in reflection see more love than sadness,

 more comforting words and support than despair.  

My heart is beginning to rebuild itself and 

feels almost ready to go out and face the world again after my quiet retreat. 

Another thing I need to share is that 

my blanket that I worked so hard over has turned out

to be such a blessing.

 I tried to take a picture. I tried!

 My favorite part is the heart square in the lower right hand.

It says "In Loving Memory" and we'll fill it in eventually.

 It is the memory, the GOOD memory, that I wanted it to be.

I am grateful and blessed.

I am learning to be happy about this moment in our life, 

and I'm sure I will keep learning

as I continue to find both the good and the bad of our miscarriage.

Reed Has Some Competition

Aftyn wrote me the sweetest Valentines Day message today.

Here's what it says:

                        "You are as sweet as Roses,
                          you can danse like the wind,
                         and I'll love you forever."
                              
                                          (Written, punctuated and spelled how she did it)

Pictures Lately

       Fruit bouquet 

 didn't last long and YUM!

                          Picture I took of my calendar. 

Baby #5 would have fit perfectly in the middle.

                                                          Bronwyn wanted a picture

             Mirren got the cutest smile on her face standing here all posed, 

and then I noticed, she had on her Sunday shoes 

aka her dancing shoes for this moment in time. :) 

 Dancing

 More dancing

 Most dancing

 Time to stop and smell the roses

 Judge me if you will, but when you stumble upon this cute bow that you made 

and Lochlan and his beautiful head of hair is right there, 

tempting you to see just how beautiful it would look on him if he was a girl, 

wouldn't YOU put it on him too? 

And look, it WOULD look so dang cute. 

But he's a boy. 

So I took it off. 

Ha ha.

 The many

 varied

 funny faces

of Lochlan

Mirren Funnies

"I have a tummy ache Mommy."

"You do?  Where?"

"In my mouth" 

as she opens wide and puts her hand in 

to point to where her molars are.