What a week

Where to start. This week was busy and eye-opening.

My niece came to stay with us this week from Tuesday through Friday. I loved it! My kids loved having her stay here and I looked forward to her company and help. And oh what a help she was.
When I finally dropped her off Friday evening, I presented HER with a big candygram expressing my thanks for all of her help. She was my right hand lady. My number one help. The person who told Bronwyn to stop doing naughty things while I was busy preparing dinner. Having her here showed me a few things such as:

Reed's work hours are craziness. No predictability from day to day. Trips pop up the day of and off Reed runs, sometimes staying overnight with no prior warning, other than me advising him that he should probably pack some clothes and a toothbrush, just in case.

Because of this unpredictability to his schedule, he is stressed. LOL  Who wouldn't be? He has to prepare last minute quotes for people frequently and that eats into his weekends or evenings when he should be relaxing.

Because Reed is running around like a chicken with its head cut off, I am often the sole parent for our children on any given day. This stresses me as well. I miss my partner, the one who I can laugh with when something funny happens. I miss the predictable schedule that allows for Reed to take care of the kids while I go for a quick jog. The person who reminds me why it's a bad idea to eat my stress. LOL 

I know that I am not the only one who has these circumstances. I think these circumstances are made harder by having 3 little ones who are pretty dependent on me. Aftyn is a big help, Bronwyn is a little help, and Mirren just needs help. LOL

 BUT  I know these circumstances are not a good reason for me to feel held back. I know people who are successful at lots of things with this many children at home. And I feel mostly successful at life, except for my weight. I know that it is a bigger deal than I'd like to admit. I am currently at the heaviest weight I have ever been for a long period of time. Sure I've been pregnant at this weight before, but I was carrying a baby and knew the weight was for a purpose. This weight is really serving no purpose other than making me unhappy and putting stress on my joints and foot bones. I have started the process of trying to make weight loss a habit SEVERAL times since having Mirren but have yet to completely make weight loss my new habit. I have gained and lost the same 7-ish pounds at least 2 times now. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of making excuses for myself as to why I'm putting it off or making food choices that essentially mean the same thing. I'm tired of thinking ahead and then stopping myself because I'm not happy with my life right now. I have got to stop putting myself and my weight loss needs aside and make them my "4th child".

Also, what is up with not being happy with my right now. I want to be enjoying my life, these are formative years for my children! I want to remember them with happy memories, not sad unhappy memories of how I was stuck. I'm not making any commitments. I'm just going to say that it's about time that I stop putting off my happiness and make my life now the moment when I feel completely happy. In more ways than just weight loss.