Things That Make You Cry

Here is an interesting question: Do you like to watch movies/tv shows that make you cry or movies/tv shows that make you laugh??

The first show I remember that ever made me cry was Little House on the Prairie. The episode where the little girl was ashamed of her dad and how fat he was. And then he falls through the roof he is repairing, assumedly because of his weight. I always hated the way that episode made me feel and I would avoid it like the plague once I recognized which episode it was. Until the day I just made myself sit down and watch it. And. I. cried.  Yes, I don't remember how old I was. Younger than 8 for sure. I don't recall ever watching that episode again, but at least I knew why I didn't like it. It broke my heart!!  I recall feeling very grown up as I cried as well. Ha ha ha!!!

   Are you like Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond, who when given time away from her family, turns on a sad movie just so she can cry???   I prefer the end of that episode when Ray turns on "Lady Marmalade" and gets down with his bad self and makes us all laugh at his goofiness.

Yes, I do not choose sad movies. When I'm feeling bummed or just like life is kicking me more than usual, I turn on a funny movie and laugh my cares away. If I want to let out some sad emotions, I am more likely to turn on some music and let myself cry that way. My expectations of movies are to entertained and made to feel happier. Interesting hmmm?

Now to my point. I just watched Big Hero 6. Kids movie?? I think not. Not unless your 6-7-8-9 year old likes to cry and can handle big ticket topics such as
1. Loss of ones parents 
2. Loss of a sibling who dies in a futile attempt to rescue someone who turns out to be evil. 
3. Loss of a loved thing that embodies said lost sibling.

Seriously people, how is this a children's movie??  Are children becoming so de-sensitized that these topics are no big deal?  Don't get me wrong. There were definite moments in the movie that were feel good, but sadly they were surrounded by bigger things like
1. revenge on someone who helped your sibling die               AND
 2. Anger and wanting to kill someone.

When did these become childish topics or anything any child should even think about or worry about?  Yeah, well, as for me and my house, probably never going to own this movie and who knows when I'll let my kids see it. Seriously.

A Post About Growing Up

Big things seem to be happening this week with Mirren.

Yesterday for the first time ever, she pointed at something specific. I got some balloons for my friends birthday and Mirren loved them so much every time she saw them she pointed! It was so cute!! And then when my friend left our house after picking up her balloons, Mirren waved with no additional prompting. First time ever!!

This girl seems to be picking up on stuff! :)  No solid walking yet, but she keeps taking steps here and there and is so much more sure on her feet when we walk holding one of her hands. Her feet are finally facing forward instead of awkwardly going out.

And tonight because I just feel like the timing is right, she is sleeping on the bottom bunk of the bunk bed. No more crib!

At first she seemed to think she was just put there to play, but Reed and I both sat by the bed and reiterated that it was Mirren's bed. I showed her Aftyn in the top bunk and Bronwyn on the other mattress and told her those were their beds. And then I put her back in Mirren's bed and made her helped her to lay down. And told her she needed to stay there. We read scriptures, said prayers and told the girls goodnight! I walked out the door with some solid hope that Bronwyn and Mirren would both fall asleep easily, and they did! Now if the night goes uneventfully I won't know what to do with myself! :)

Our baby is growing up and this is a milestone for her! The next 2 hard ones will be having our new baby and having Mirren be the big sister, and getting rid of the binkies. Luckily we have a few months before either of those things will happen.

   Oh and another frightening thought. Bronwyn is moving to the top bunk tomorrow night. Reed is worried she's going to get hurt falling down the ladder. I say, let her learn. She'll figure it out and it will be okay. She's had plenty of experience already climbing up and down. Maybe when it's a permanent thing she'll learn to be more careful about it.


**Follow up** Other than waking up early again, 6:30 am, Mirren slept the whole night! Yay!!

Vagueness

      You know, sometimes life has yucky things happening in it that we don't want to talk about.

Such was the case with my last post and I apologize for the vagueness, but I wanted to remember

how awesome the regional conference was and how I was profoundly affected by the messages

shared in it.

     Also, sometimes it's good to remember the vague yucky times so in the future when

things work themselves out, because they always do, you can look back and feel blessed at where

you are now. 

    

Keeping it Positive

Today in our regional conference at church, there were some amazing talks.

It felt like each one had a message for me specifically, and I needed to hear each one of them.

I walked out of the meeting with renewed hope for myself, with vigor and energy to change.

I had a great day! We even had my niece and her husband for dinner and dessert, followed

by a fun game of Rummikub. Who remembered that game was so fun?!?

And then this evening, even though I felt an uncertainty in my heart, I followed through on

something I've been meaning to do for a long time.

What might/may have been a blessing may also have been a tool of Satan's to bring me low,

to cause horrible heartbreak and a sense of discouragement and bleakness to my point of view.

I still remember the lessons I've been taught today, and I'm trying to bring my chin up and keep

my eternal perspective but I must admit that sometimes life can be just too hard to face.

And some hurts cannot be erased without the healing power of Christ's atonement.

Knowing that He has felt this hurt, that He can hold my hand and lead me out of it brings

comfort to my soul even as I am awash with grief and pain.

We Must Have Some Gypsy Blood in Us

At the beginning of the year, like most people do, Reed and I made some goals. Here is a rough list of our goals:

1. Have a baby
2.  Move into a home.
3. Get a new to us car.
4. Get ourselves out of debt.
5. Work together at all of these things. :)

Luckily #1 kinda just happened and everything stayed okay with it (so far so good!) so that was checked off our list.
#2 was where we just weren't sure what to do. We have a home in Nampa that we have been renting for 3 years to the same family. That home is no bigger than our current space, and if we had our druthers we'd like to sell it and buy something bigger. Sadly, the more we looked at the housing market and the work it would likely take to get our home ready to sell, we knew it wouldn't be helping us with our #4 goal of getting out of debt. In fact, we would likely be going into MORE debt. We talked our way around and over and under this problem until one day, like lightning, after attesting that I would NOT be moving our family again anywhere, that is exactly what we are doing and exactly what feels right. We are moving back to our home in Nampa. And at least we'll have a lovely fenced in backyard and a garage to add a little to our space.  So that's #2 marked off of our list.
Still going to be working on #3 probably when we move to Nampa, and with all the moving and having babies, buying a van and fixing up our house so we can hopefully sell it sometime in the future, well, we're just going to keep on working on #4. Little by little. We'll get there.

So here's our announcement! We are officially moving back to Nampa, Idaho as of May of this year. Go us! 

Little Steps

   This past Friday night, I had the biggest surprise of my life. I began playing with an overly tired Mirren, working with her to start walking.
 I was willing to take anything she would offer me! She completely surprised me by being willing to take 1 little step to and from a table or to and from me. In the middle of it all, she just began giggling. It was so so cute and so endearing. After finally getting her to take 2 little steps, I figured I better rush her off to bed before she got too overly tired. I think she still will take this new skill pretty slowly as long as I continue to push her and make her keep trying to take steps. She is a fun girl.

    Bronwyn has a yucky cough. Seems like ever since she got bronchitis last winter, a lot of her colds go straight to her lungs. Poor kid. No church for her today.

   Aftyn finally successfully rode our balance bike this week! She was really excited about it and it shows me that she's probably ready to try riding a regular 2 wheeled bike. She was very proud of herself. She just needs more room to ride a bike around, not just our tiny little patio out back. Hopefully soon we can fix that problem.

Real

Many years ago, before Aftyn was born, Reed and I had planned and planned when we would finally get to try having a baby. That first month passed and I was bummed.

The second month came and lo and behold I was pregnant! I was visiting my sister who had just given birth to her second child and I was beyond excited. I shared the news with Reed over the phone and he was so pleased.

After a few more days of being at my sisters, I began to see signs that maybe everything with the pregnancy wasn't okay. I was spotting. By the time I got home from seeing my sister, the spotting was a lot more consistent, but I still had hope. I believed if I just had enough hope and faith that everything would be okay. I tried to take every precaution I could to ensure the safety of that pregnancy. I tried to stay off my feet whenever possible, even riding the electric wheelchair at the grocery store. But alas at 6.5 weeks I suffered a miscarriage. Which was excruciatingly painful physically and emotionally.

I was so brokenhearted. I felt so discouraged. After all the waiting and planning, what if there was something wrong and we wouldn't be able to have children? I had friends all around announcing their pregnancies and having their babies and I felt so left out.  My heart mourned and pained for the pregnancy I lost and wanted back.

5 months later I found myself pregnant again. So scared and so worried about each little twinge, every pound lost while I went through morning sickness. I had 2 extra ultrasounds in the beginning just so I could see my baby was okay. I'm sure the ultrasound tech and my doctor thought I was a bit over the top but I needed and wanted proof that everything was okay.

Happily Aftyn was born healthy and strong. My body wasn't broken!

A good number of months later, time for trying was again at hand. About month 2 or 3, I was feeling weird so I took a pregnancy test early. A faint positive line! I planned the cutest surprise for Reed, with Aftyn wearing a big sister sign on the back of her shirt. Reed was totally taken by surprise! Sadly, that awesome surprise lasted only 2 days when my period came just like clockwork. Google said it was a chemical pregnancy. My midwife thought it was a bunch of hooey.  Either way, about 4 months later, another successful pregnancy came along and Bronwyn was born 9 months later.

These 2 experiences have tainted the immense joy I might feel with each successive pregnancy because of the excessive worry I have. What if I continue to follow the pattern of failed pregnancy, successful pregnancy?  Those failures sure make it hard to want to try again, even if the next pregnancy might be a successful one.

I am writing this post today because I want my friends and family who may be struggling with infertility, who might be waiting for that positive sign on a pregnancy test to know that their pain is not alone. I know the pain that is felt when those around you joyfully announce their pregnancies. Please know that others babies do not take away from your babies. Heavenly Father has a plan for you and if your plan includes babies, those babies are still waiting for you, waiting for the fulfillment of Heavenly Fathers plan for them and you. Do not lose hope.

I will always remember one night while pregnant with my son who I placed for adoption. My heart was broken because I had always wanted to be a mother and here I was being given the opportunity only to hand it over to another mother. While pouring my heart out in prayer and sobbing the whole way through it, I had a picture pop into my mind. It was my children. They stood in a group and as a whole, I heard them say to me not to lose hope and not to be broken hearted. They were waiting for me.

   They are my reason for continuing to try, for persevering in spite of the heartache and pain of my losses. I have a real knowledge that if you feel a call to motherhood, there are routes open to you to be a mother. And if you don't know what route is right for you, pray. Heavenly Father always knows. And in His time he will reveal His plan to you.

And now, if you made it through all of that, I have an announcement. We're expecting our number 4 and we're so excited and grateful that everything, in spite of my being completely sure we were having a miscarriage, has worked out and I am 3 months pregnant today.  We look forward to the blessings this little person will bring to our family because we feel strongly that he/she is supposed to come at this time.  Hopefully they will join our family on or before September 4th!