Life Rarely Works Out The Way You Think it Will

Life is weighing heavily on my mind lately. Maybe it's just that we are going through some of the normal stresses families have while going to school i.e. tight budget, low or no money, etc.

Here's a little back story for you on how I have felt about going to school.

Around the time Aftyn was a year old, it was summertime I recall, I was going about my day when a thought entered my mind that we needed to go to graduate school. Reed and I had talked about it before we had Aftyn but the financial stress of adding a child and then me being a stay-at-home mom had hurriedly made me change my mind about school. The idea of having even LESS money than we had was very unappealing. And scary. And I wanted nothing to do with less money and scary finances, so I had pushed the idea right out of my head and didn't like to talk about it. When the thought came to me that summer day I sat right down and cried. I knew it was inspiration from Heavenly Father. I knew it needed to happen. So I prayed right then and said if that was what needed to happen that I would do it and I would support Reed in getting his Masters degree. When Reed got home that day, I told him what I had felt we needed to do. He laughed when I told him I had cried about it because he knows me and my love of all things finance related. Not.

 I knew that we needed to start the ball rolling and a year and a half later, here we are. Going to school, living across the country from most of our family. Having new experiences, meeting new people, seeing a completely different way of life. And experiencing all of the fun of tight budgets, living on school loans as a family that were only meant for 1 or 2 people to live on. And what do you know, but the years of being frugal and living on a budget have actually come in handy! We have managed to live on those school loans just fine, with little outside help. Until now that is. Reed took the summer off of school so that he could work on finding an internship which he needs to graduate. No classes in the summer means no school loans to live off of for the summer. And now I see what really being poor is. Thankfully with Reed's paying internship that he just started last Thursday we will have money again, but before that things got tight. And still are tight. Lots of tears have been shed. Did you know that if you cry enough, it actually makes you physically tired? Who knew.Thankfully, there are programs to help families in our situation and we are making use of them. And we are grateful to have them for this time in our lives.

  I write this as a means of being honest, not asking for anything. I want people to know what we're honestly experiencing. I want to remember for myself how I'm feeling, what I've gone through and what I hope for our future. I want others who read this to know that you can get through going to school with kids. Most of our tears here are over the things our kids are doing without, and you know what? I think we miss them more than our kids do. I am grateful for my girls who help me remember to be grateful for the little things, that there are always things to smile and laugh about. Do I always remember to smile and laugh about them when I'm worrying what's happening financially with us? No, but it's nice to be reminded. This week I want to hug my kids more and worry less. I want to play on the floor and laugh with them and not worry so much about what to feed them. I want to leave my worries in Heavenly Father's hands so I can have some much needed play time with my kids.

**Post Edit: I love reading back in my posts. After reading this post, I'm feeling a lot better. And I remember just how blessed I am. And how much Heavenly Father is watching over my family. **