Aftyn particularly has been having a hard week, and on more than one occasion I have felt like tossing my hands in the air with no idea how to handle the situation I am in.
Yes she is 3 and that could be the problem. Yes Daddy's work schedule and church calling schedule are all over the place with no regularity yet and so not seeing her Dad a whole lot could also be part of the problem. And yes Mommy is having a hard time lately as well which could be a good reason why our intuitive little girly could be struggling.
Either way, last night I finally admitted to some real truths. That Aftyn may be feeling also.
Sometimes I hate where we live. Albeit a beautiful old brick building, I miss having safe outside space to play in. With grass. And I miss carpet to roll and play on. Hardwood is not very forgiving.
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| This brown stuff doesn't really qualify as carpet. It's industrial carpet. Not fluffy, not soft, not something you'd normally want to sleep on unless you too were 15 months old and goofy. |
Sometimes I miss our old neighborhood. With grass.
And the big beautiful barn view behind our old house.
I miss neighbors who grow vegetables in their garden and want to share.
I miss my back patio.
I miss my husband coming home at regular hours during the day, enabling our family and me to enjoy his company .
I miss family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. (I was thinking Aftyn's cousins, who are also my nieces and nephews. So yes, I miss them too. :) )
I miss date nights. And sprinklers to run through. And bike rides.
Safe neighborhoods to run in. And go for walks in.
Not unlike the pioneers who suffered untold hardships so they could come west, they put their comforts on hold for months in the name of fulfilling their dreams.
That's me.
What do you know, I CAN be a modern day pioneer. :)
This sounds like a pity me post. It's not.
We all go through times in our life where we go without.
And then later when everything is back to the way it used to be, it can be easy to forget how hard things got.
Except when things get hard, that's when we show our true colors.
How hard we really can work, working at trying to survive and thrive.
It's when we practice the most faith in God. It would seem.
We ARE surviving, we're even trying hard to thrive. And we will make it.
"Like an awkward dancer, on a crowded floor, I'll learn to dance once more".
Someday.
3 comments:
Oh Alysa, I know about all those "missing" things. Especially the outside space and carpet. We missed those things when we lived in London. And a garage or parking space. And a dryer. The funny thing is, to this day, I am so so soooo grateful every time I open our dryer and pull out soft, dry, unwrinkled clothes. And when I go out to our parking spot, I am soooo happy that our car is right there for us instead of around the block. And when we moved to Idaho, I was soooo thrilled to have a garage. and carpet. and a back yard and eventually a fence. My, how much gratitude is generated with the absence of the little things. I think going WITHOUT has actually changed me forever, for the good -- probably it's changed you too, I bet. I hope you're hanging in there. Let's plan another outing soon... maybe Friday? Miss you!!
I think you're completely right, Kamber. I will probably never look at a washer and dryer in my home the same way. Or living in a lovely neighborhood full of friendly families and small children. :) And yes, doing without does change you. I will certainly have gained quite a bit of compassion for other families living in our same circumstances. It's not easy, as you well know. I would love another outing!! Aftyn is so missing cousins.... But I currently have to wait and see what Reed's plans are for the car. :)
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